Man abandons loyal cat of 7 years because his new girlfriend is allergic to cats, then attempts to dump the cat on his ex-girlfriend before the new one moves in: 'I have never understood how people can just give away their pets'

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Oct 10, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Relationships are hard enough as it is, but when cats are involved… somehow, things get even more difficult. You would think - or at least we thought - as the cat owner, that cats are really simple creatures to get used to. But we suppose that's not true for everyone. There are some people who are jealous of the affection we show our cats, others who think we're unhygienic for smooching our cats on their flat little purrfect foreheads. 

Sometimes, these things can be explained. Other times, when they cannot be explained, it means that the person you are with is probably incompatible with you and your values. But never - never - is the right solution to abandon your cat to accommodate a partner who does not understand you, and who is not willing to make an effort to do it. Never. And especially not when we're talking about a cat that you have had for years who is incredibly attached to you.  

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  • 01

    "[Am I wrong] for how I reacted to my ex saying he was giving up his cat?"

    picture of a black and white cat sitting on a windowsill
    via Unsplash / Tucker Good tuckergood

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    This is more complicated than the title. My ex and I split over 3 year ago and maintained a friendly relationship until this past February when he started dating his current girlfriend, Z. At the time, I was living with my now ex, but I had tiny voice in the back of my head telling me to not cut my lease early at my old place and I was right, we ended up splitting in May.
    via Due-Squirrel7218
  • 03
    I live in a fairly small 1 bedroom with my cat. He lives in a 3 story townhouse with his cat. These are cats we adopted when we were dating and living together, and when we split, it worked out well, one cat liked me more, one cat liked him more, easy enough, right?
    via Due-Squirrel7218
  • 04
    Wrong. So we adopted these cats over 7 years ago and have had them for most of their lives. Anyone I date, I make it clear my cat and I are a package deal so if they have severe allergies, it's not a good fit. However, Z has bad cat allergies. And supposedly she's been trying to get more exposure to the cat and the allergies haven't gotten better.
    via Due-Squirrel7218
  • 05
    I got a text out of the blue a few days ago from my ex asking if I would take his cat because Z is moving in. I can't have 2 cats in my apartment and it also also goes against my lease. I told him no, and provided him with a list of solutions, one of which included allergy shots which worked well for me. He told me no, shots don't work for her, and I asked, oh is she anti vax or something?
    via Due-Squirrel7218
  • 06
    I told him they're worth trying and left it at that. The next day I got a series of texts from him asking what was up about me asking that, that it was a dig, just being really ride I guess. I told him that he's had his cat for 7 years, she's 11 years old, if you take to a shelter, she'll probably di there, she's not easily re- homeable, and she's super attached to you and it'll really hurt her if she just never sees you again.
    via Due-Squirrel7218
  • 07
    He told me to stay out of his relationship and that I had no business commenting on how he was handling this but he brought me into it in the first place. So, was I the AH for how I responded to this?
    via Due-Squirrel7218
  • 08
    Edit: so for people saying I overstepped by giving him options outside of rehoming the cat, I said, no I can't take her, have you looked into other options? His response was, no, what other options are there? So I gave him a whole list of options that didn't involve rehoming the cat. HE ASKED.
    via Due-Squirrel7218
  • 09
    picture of a cute black and white cat
    via Unsplash / Tucker Good tuckergood

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • We will never ever, in a million years, be able to understand people abandoning their cats, especially after so many years together. We understand love, and we get wanting to please our partners, and after all options were exhausted, maybe we would even understand considering rehoming - to someone we know and trust and plan to visit often. Never abandoning. And never for a short relationship like this one. She's been there for 7 months, the cat has been there for 7 years. 

  • 10
    No_Consideration6972 Nta, it just saddens me to see that 7 years of life with this cat has not made him attached enough to her cat and is ready to throw that away to have a relationship with a human over something that would be so easily fixable.
    via No_Consideration6972
  • 11
    Due-Squirrel7218 OP That's what breaks my heart. I've seen how much he loves this cat and how much she loves him. When I would get home from work before he would, and she'd hear the key in the door and know it was him coming home (this was when we were together, living together), she'd sprint from wherever she was to the door, run circles around him, and hop up on her hind legs and scent his knees. She's that attached.
    via Due-Squirrel7218
  • 12
    jackb6ii NTA since he pulled you into this. Do either of you have family or other friends who could take his cat?
    via jackb6ii
  • 13
    Due-Squirrel7218 OP I asked him if one of our mutual friends could, but there's only one I'd trust. There's one who would take her but given that he adopted two cats a couple years ago and he lived on a busy arterial and would leave the window open and one of them got run over by a car, he's not exactly where I'd want the cat to go to.
    via Due-Squirrel7218
  • 14
    picture of a black and white cat sitting on a windowsill
    via Unsplash / Tucker Good tuckergood

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Look. Was this ex-girlfriend too snappy? Maybe. But that's her right. She's an ex. Clearly, she's not in love with this new girlfriend. She's concerned about the cat - rightfully so. And she was dragged into this situation. She's allowed to be a little snappy. 

  • 15
    Impressive Moment786 NTA-your ex on the other hand is a real a hole. I have never understood how people can just give away their pets.
    via Impressive_Moment786
  • 16
    Due-Squirrel7218 OP I realize this is going to make me sound petty, and to clarify, it's not like I'm single and bitter, I just won't make the mistake of living with someone I'm not engaged to again, but she's a solid 10 years younger than him and is a part time fitness instructor. He's got a MBA and works in consulting. I'm going to guess he's not exactly dating her for her brain.
    via Due-Squirrel7218
  • 17
    I really don't care about why they're together, if it works for them, whatever, but I do care that if he's doing this in the, I'm younger, she looks at me like I'm super she's impressive, so if says the cat goes, the cat goes thing, that I have a problem with.
    via Due-Squirrel7218
  • 18
    Maschamari NTA. Your ex is apparently one of those people who views cats as possessions rather than as family. He seems uncaring about the cat's feelings or future. You were much more polite than I would have been. Is there anyway you can talk to your landlord about having a second cat? If you explain the situation perhaps they'll make an exception. Depending on how long ago they lived together the cats may need a very slow reintroduction but cats really do better in groups of 2-4 than solo anyw
    via Maschamari
  • 19
    Due-Squirrel7218 OP She doesn't. She needs to be in a solo cat home. And my cat, I've spent a lot of time rehabbing him from his previous home, and he finally doesn't have food insecurity issues at this point but it took years of working with him to get him healthy. This just seems like it's an easy fix for my ex but it's going to make my life and my cat's life harder and at this point, I don't feel like I owe him that.
    via Due-Squirrel7218

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